Saturday, March 20, 2010

Feddie Girl's Mom Speaks Out -- Judge me not...

"Until you have been in my shoes, you have no right to judge me..." says Shelley Ikedi, mother of the renowned Feddie Girl.

I understand my peers are skeptical of my reasons to send my only child off to a boarding school located in Nigeria. But I wonder, is your skepticism rooted in dislike for the country, the boarding school of choice, or just the idea of boarding school?

Tell me, what have you got against Nigeria? I am a Caucasian, married to a guy of Nigerian-American descent. Based on this, if I were to choose a country to send my daughter to school in, is it a wonder that Nigeria tops the list? Her dad being from there? Where she has family and blood relations?

As for the chosen school itself, if you attended one of the Federal Schools in Nigeria and think there are more prestigious boarding schools located anywhere within the country, please do not hesitate to call my attention to them.
From what I know, the Federal Government Colleges are highly recommended and the well-placed social status of most veterans of Nigerian Federal Schools definitely speaks for itself. That being the case, is it a wonder I want my daughter to be one of them? To hone good behavior and secure a prestigious place in the society of tomorrow?

How about the idea of 'Boarding School'? Why would anyone have a problem with that? As a parent, if you have an un-ruly child on your hands and have tried pretty much everything else to get her back on the right track and failed, what else can you do?

"Have you tried showing her love?" you ask, raising a quizzical eyebrow. 


And I ask you: Do you have a teenage kid? Have you ever tried dealing with a rebellious teen who has no regard for you and others, or has absolutely no compunction for the pain she has caused others? No? Well then, until you get to that stage and pass it with flying colors, I reserve the right to remain silent.

Carlotta's father and I are very nurturing, loving, and proud parents. But there comes a time in every parent's life when a difficult decision has to be made. If you have a thirteen year old who suddenly turns violent and starts smoking and stacking up condoms in her bedroom dresser, then the time may have come for desperate measures.

I love my daughter without reservation. I did what I could to turn her from the rebellious teen she was fast becoming into a responsible human being. It was difficult, but I had no other choice. Nothing else seemed to work.
Now, having spent close to a year in a good boarding school in Nigeria, my daughter returned to the United States a changed person. So tell me:

Does not the end justify the means in this case?

And what's more? Carlotta loved the school, made new friends, and is itching to return to boarding house, and nothing her dad or I can say will make her change her mind. 

So, unless you have been in my shoes and experienced what I did, and in the same circumstances, please judge me not.

Read excerpts of the novel (Feddie Girl) and obtain a copy:
To buy in Nigeria, please visit for more info.
Or buy from

Watch out for the sequel, Feddie Girl 2. Coming soon to Bernard Books Publishing.

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